My friend E (Hi, E!) recommended this delicious-looking recipe for Winter Squash Carbonara with Sage and Pancetta last week, and I've been looking forward to making it ever since. Trader Joe's sells peeled, seeded, cubed butternut squash, which is great, because I can't handle dealing with butternut squash in its whole form. I looked and looked in the produce section, and couldn't find it. I finally located one last, lonely bag sitting on the shelf, half hidden: unfortunately, I really need two bags to make the recipe. I nicely asked one of the stockists if they could check in the back to see if they had more. They didn't. Later, an elderly woman walked by me, smugly dangling a bag of beautifully cubed butternut squash from the tips of her smug fingers. I thought for longer than I should probably admit to about yanking it from her frail grasp, and making a run for it (Right after I yelled "The terrorists, they ran that way! It was a run-by-fruiting!").

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There is a special place in hell for people who speed through parking lots.

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A man a couple of aisles over from me in CVS called out "Thomas! Where are you?"

A small voice near me piped up in response "I don't know, but I'm coming to find you, lickety split!"

I laughed out loud.